Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
