his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
