That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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