Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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