On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
