me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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