wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
