I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
