His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
