dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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