my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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