Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
