Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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