My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
