Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
