I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
