i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
