Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
