somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
