fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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