Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
