There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
