Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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