OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize