I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize