I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
