I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
