Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
