Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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