glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize