She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
