I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
