who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
