Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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