you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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