i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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