I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize