Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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