I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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