1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
