Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
