Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
