Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
