update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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