the day after is always just damage control
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
