Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
