Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
