Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize