you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
