I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
