you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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