were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
