I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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