There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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