nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
