If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
