Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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