you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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