I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just had sex bonerless
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize