My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
