Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
