I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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