jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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