I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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