Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
