Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
