everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
