i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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