Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
