They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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