Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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