I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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