I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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