Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize