so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
