is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize