I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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